Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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