dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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