he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
be right there i have to get my cape
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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