Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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