She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
