Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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