I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
