the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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