help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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