just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
