I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
