Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
