Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
