she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
