The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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