Quick, to the slutcave!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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