you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
