im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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