I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
