Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
