Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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