just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
