they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
