peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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