we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
