there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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