Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
