I just saw a hot homeless man
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
