My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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