you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think your dad took our porno
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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