Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
