I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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