Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
