these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
