from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
