I'm really into asian looking animals
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
