I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
