do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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