i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
