You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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