Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
