glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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