I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
