I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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