i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
