Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
