Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
