You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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