Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
