tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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